


After Loving Jack

by orphan_account



Category: Castle
Genre: 5x16, Episode Tag, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-15
Updated: 2013-03-15
Packaged: 2017-12-05 09:14:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/721381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Mom, there's something I want to tell you...</i>
</p>
<p>Post-ep for <i>Hunt</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After Loving Jack

**Author's Note:**

> For castleland. 
> 
> Prompt: past

_A beautiful story left incomplete,_

_Oh, how he knocked me off my feet._

\--

He stands within the heart of his small family, mind drifting to the person whose absence he has never felt as strongly as he does right now. 

 

He revealed the truth to his mother and Beckett, nondisclosure agreement be damned, although he edited out some of the more violent details in deference to the Welcome Home breakfast that they were eating. 

 

Now, the tale is complete and the dishes are almost empty.  Beckett and Alexis are at the kitchen counter wrapping up the leftovers, heads bent together as they talk earnestly. From this distance he can't hear what they're saying, but even as he watches, Alexis smiles and Kate brightens, and then they're laughing quietly. 

 

He turns away, his gaze falling on his mother.  She's been silent for some time, cradling her empty wineglass as she stares into space, her face strangely neutral. It's unusual for her not to be taking advantage of the natural drama of the situation.

 

He puts down his own half-empty glass and sits in the armchair beside hers, placing the copy of _Casino Royale_ in his lap. He hasn't let go of it for more than a few seconds since opening the envelope. "Did you know?" He runs a palm across the dust jacket. "What he was?"

 

"Not really." She lets out a careful breath. "That night, when I met him, I suspected... something. I'm an actress, so I can usually tell when someone's playing a part. There were a couple of inconsistencies in the things he said, some things about him that just didn't really fit. He was mysterious. Dark and handsome with a hint of danger." She looks up at him from beneath her lashes with a hint of her usual humour. "Although from what you've told me now, I guess he was more dangerous than I realised." 

 

After the bloodshed that he’s witnessed in the past few days, he has to agree. 

 

His mother's eyes have grown distant. "But he had such kind eyes. It was one of the things that drew me to him. That dichotomy, that contrast between the kindness in his eyes and the air of danger that surrounded him. Honestly, I don't remember much about the way he looked. Kind eyes that crinkled up when he smiled. Weathered skin, especially on his hands. That was one reason I knew he wasn't a businessman, like he claimed. He was wearing a sharp suit and really fancy shoes, but those were not the hands of a desk-jockey." She sighs wistfully. "Oh, those hands."

 

He raises an eyebrow. "Mother."

 

"Sorry." She smiles sheepishly, leaning forward to put her glass on the coffee table. "I see him when I look at you sometimes, but that might just be wishful thinking. I only knew him for one night. I probably wouldn't even recognise him if I passed him in the street today."

 

"He said that he's kept an eye on us over the years." He touches the cover of _Casino Royale_ again.

 

"Hmm." Her expression is pensive. "We didn't really share many personal details. I mean, we talked for hours, but it wasn't like we exchanged resumes or anything. Who does, in that sort of situation?" There's defensiveness in her tone now. "We shared enough. He told me that his name was Jack. That he was in town on business. Said he was celebrating the signing of a very lucrative contract. He bought me a drink, and..." She finally looks at him again with a wry smile. "I guess you don't want all the details."

 

He smiles back. "You can skip those bits."

 

"Everything I’ve ever told you about that night is true. I fell in love with him and yet I barely knew him." She twists her hands in her lap. "Then I woke up the next morning and he was gone. I've had more than my share of one night stands-"

 

"Mother."

 

"Oh, Richard, let's not pretend I was ever a nun." She waves a hand dismissively. "My point is, that night was different. It felt different. He made me feel like I was the only person who mattered. Things weren't going so well for me at that time, I'd lost out on a few roles, I wasn't getting much work, I was behind on my rent, it felt like everything was going wrong. And then I met your father. You'd think that being abandoned the morning after the most intense night of my life would have added to my problems, but it had completely the opposite affect.” 

 

She touched his knee. “You know I'm not one to mope around about something as trivial as a broken heart. I had an audition that afternoon and I nailed it. That night with your father gave me the strength to believe in myself again, which was something that I desperately needed at that moment. I was ready to just take the boost in confidence and move on."

 

He knows what comes next but he can't help prompting her. "And then?" 

 

"Oh." Her smile is genuine now. "And then there was you. Having you did make me think about him again when I might not have otherwise. In my weaker moments, not that there were many, I did wonder whether he was just some businessman, staying in the city for a few days, playing the field before going home to his wife and kids. But by then didn't matter. I had you, and that was that. You are my son and I can't regret anything that brought you into my life. Do you know what they said, my so-called friends, when they found out I was pregnant? They told me it would ruin my life, not to mention my career. So I went out and I got myself some new friends. I've never regretted you for a second, Richard."

 

"I know." It's true. Even when times were hard growing up, even when his mother would leave him to fend for himself for hours on end, he never felt unloved.

 

"Of all the things that I've achieved in my life, you're the only one I'm truly proud of. Oh, and Alexis. I take some credit for her brilliance too."

 

"She couldn't have a better role model."

 

They both know he's only half joking.

 

"But that's enough about me." She tries to surreptitiously wipe away a stray tear. "How do you feel, now that you know?" 

 

"I don't know." It's the truth. It's all still sinking in for him. "It's good, I guess, to know that he didn't just abandon us. It's nice that he looks out for us when he can. I could do without the whole putting us in danger with his enemies part of the last few days, but yeah. It is good to have some answers, even if they just raise more questions."

 

“For what it's worth, I'm sorry there was so little I could tell you about him. There was so little that I actually knew."

 

"It's not your fault, mother. And knowing about him doesn't change anything between us. You know that, right?" 

 

"Oh, Richard." She ducks her head.

 

"I mean it." He takes both her hands in his. "I don't ever want you to feel like you weren't enough for me. You raised me alone and I wasn't the easiest kid. I've been a single parent for long enough to appreciate how hard it must have been. And let's face it, I lucked out with Alexis."

 

"Is that why you stopped asking about your father? I don't think you ever mentioned him again after you turned ten. Was that because of me?"

 

"Maybe, partly. Mostly it was because of me. I didn't need a father. I didn't miss him because I'd never had him. But now... Now that I do know, it's like there's suddenly a hole that wasn't there before."

 

"You'll see him again one day. I'm sure of it." The confidence in her voice and the gentle squeeze of her hand on his shoulder reassures him like it always has. She's his mother and he believes whatever she tells him.

 

"Yeah." He looks around the loft, suddenly registering that Kate and Alexis have disappeared somewhere. He's not as worried as he might have expected. He knows Kate won't let his daughter out of her sight for a while.

 

”I’ll probably never even know his real name.” He leans forward to pick up the bottle of wine, topping up his mother's glass and then his own.

 

”You and me both, kiddo. But maybe that’s not what’s important.” She touches her glass against his, making a toast. "To Jack."

 

She could be right. He may not know his father’s name but he’s met the man, worked with him, seen him in action. He knows that his father has been there for him as much as he was able. He knows that his father will do whatever is necessary to keep his family safe. Perhaps that’s enough, for now. 

 

He smiles at his mother and nods, his free hand once again resting on the book in his lap. "To my father."

 -- 

_Baby after loving Jack there's no going back, going back._

**Author's Note:**

> Title and quotes: Pixie Lott.


End file.
